All entries written by ©hristoph Wellm, except where otherwise mentioned.

 ...ich lege hier meine Seele dar, und dies soll ein Wegweiser für mich sein. Ich kann immer zurückschauen, in welcher Position ich mich gerade befand, wo ich stand im Leben. Vielleicht hilft es ja auch Anderen, die ähnliche Probleme haben, wie ich.

4.4.07 07:15, kommentieren

Werbung


Curiosity

As I think about life, and I'm pondering,
I get more and more curious, wondering
how it'd be on the other side.
People speak about a light...

Well, and having lived for decades,
seen life with its shadows and shades,
doesn't day and night become a little boring,
as well loving, hating, detesting, adoring?

Wouldn't it be interesting, I dare to ask,
to cast a glance to some other world,
where things don't change and ever last,
which no one has seen, no one has heard.

I'd like to know how death might feel,
if a dream engulfes me or if it's like real.
But then I discover that more than I live,
I'm already dead, have nothing to give.

And nothing to take. So I start asking,
how does life feel, how might it be,
away from the things that are everlasting,
What is love? What is hatred? What does it mean for you and me?

1 Kommentar 8.6.10 22:35, kommentieren

Porzellan

Jeder Mensch trägt ein Gefäß aus Porzellan in sich,

welches man durch seine Augen funkeln und 

glitzern sehen kann.

Man muss aufpassen,

dass man dieses Gefäß nicht fallen lässt 

und damit das Leuchten ermattet. 

1.11.09 22:00, kommentieren

Still worth living...

Is it still worth living

in the darkness of my chamber?

Is it still worth living

if destruction's call is tender?

Where my life seems on the edge

to the last and ultimate deed,

for which sustainment should I pledge,

where with neverland I've long agreed?

It's been growing since my dawn,

ever since perturbing the mechanism;

call it devil, call it demon -

it has his own, impenetrable algorithm.

It holds me tight, and to accept would mean

to give up every spark of self-esteem. 

So I ask myself - not you:

Is it still worth living?

What'd be honest, what's true?

Society doesn't need me -

so is it time for a leaving? 

15.2.09 23:21, kommentieren

Brand New Start

Every day, every moment

is a new chance, a new hazard.

With every breath you take,

you inhale new energy -

the energy you need for each 

new adventure.

With every second to lapse,

billions and billions of possibilities

are forever buried in the past,

but with the rise of each new second,

there are also billions of billions

of possibilities to be realized. 

Decisions made.

Life lived. 

Love given. 

Every new day is a new beginning,

every night a new creation,

every depart from your pillow

a brand new start.

You are born each day anew,

only your preconditions differ. 

There is no knowledge about

what is to come. 

Don't obstruct your every chaning

path by presuming

unnecessary - and maybe outdated -

presumptions.

Leave it to destiny. 

You're not in charge of this,

but you're responsible for

how many possibilities there are

for you, and

which one you'll grasp. 

 

13.1.09 15:37, kommentieren

Abendflug

Ich werde mich nicht konzentrieren müssen,
werde einfach in die Ferne schauen.
Die Sonne wird den Boden küssen,
ich sehe Berge, ich sehe Auen.

Ich werde einfach stehen dort,
werde den Wind spürn um mich wehen,
Im Herbste fliegen die Blätter hinfort,
ich werde durch das Vergangene gehen.

Ein Held werd ich sein,
zumindest so glauben,
nun bin ich ja doch ganz allein,
in den Süden ziehn die Tauben.

Werd mit ihnen fliegen,
werd mit ihnen ziehen,
niemand wird mich kriegen,
ich werde ihnen entfliehn.

Eine Heldentat, den Mut, so scheinend,
wird das ganze werden, sicherlich.
Wo die Nacht mit dem Tag vereinend
sich inne hält im goldnen Zwielicht.

So vereinend werde ich sein, Schatten, Licht,
Licht, Schatten, das wird eins.
Ein Blumenhauch, der mir die Nase sticht;
Oh, mir wird's gehören, wird alles meins.

Und werde ich auch nie erfahren,
was Leute drüber ewig sinniert,
werd ich doch hin zum Meere fahren,
wo sich alles neu generiert.

Ihr könnt mich mal! Das werd ich schrein,
aus voller kehle, bis zur Heißerkeit.
Mir egal, ich werd ganz ich selbst sein,
bin ganz die Welt, bin ganz befreit.

So geht auch diese Welt zu Ende
im frischen, müden Abendrot.
So streck ich meine Arm' und Hände
gen Himmel, flieg, und sterbe. Tot!

3.1.09 23:49, kommentieren

Account of Myself in November 2008

I feel inferior because I am inferior. I don't know exactly why, but my soul's filled with distress the whole day. Communicatiing to others, that's a thing I hardly manage to do. Even more complicated is the thing with my sexual desire. My "lust machine" doesn't work allright. Something interferes with it so I always get lost on the way to satisfaction. Everything outside turns into myself - me being helpless, me succumbing to an overwhelming force I cannot defend myself against. The unbearable pressure from the outside is about to crush me again and again when I did not achieve the virtue of abstinence. It's like the forces of my ego are not directed into one direction anymore, but take many different directions as to cancel themselves out. They disperse completely in my body, not directing me anymore through my life. It always takes days for me to recover from that state.

I live in so much agony and anguish. My body aches, I crave for too much food and self-satisfaction, and indulgence is dangerous. Everything in this direction thus appears to me as being weak and despicable. Oh woe my life! If I could restart everything or just see some alternatives to the way of life I am living now. But...it's all so determined.

Everthing just hurts. Everything.

15.11.08 22:12, kommentieren