How should I go on now, after months of wasted time, wasted energy, wasted emotion and even wasted money? However the latter just being a dramatizing addition. She saying she still loves me but breaks up with me. How am I supposed to understand. She's just not honest to me, never was. Don't know what problems she had with me and elsewhere. 'Cause she never talked to me about that. Could ask her if something was wrong when I felt she didn't want my near and affection. Always "nothing" as an answer. And now it's over. I do not blame myself for this. The only thing that pisses me off is that she isn't honest to me. Still not, after the finish.

29.05.2008 

 

It's her, it's her who opened me,

where I feel this deep accordance,

this silent unanimity, this

pouring harmony within my soul, throughout my inflamed heart.

She's the consummation of my life.

...in contrast to this conflicting state in which

I have been living in,

in contrast to all the turmoil and torment

I go through every day,

because of the obstruction of the free flow

of love through me.

Because of the unopenness and uneasyness,

the choking feeling of a broken will I feel

every day,

being in the near of people.

But one thing I know:

I want her.

27.01.2008

Her eyes are like the universe,

everything that I've been looking for,

like the arrival of the long journey

I've taken in my life.

And I feel desire,

I feel tranquility,

feel everything

that I was made for.

It's because...

I love her.

Love is the strongest force that there is, if not the only one.

Let love be free, let it flow, and you will be happy.

Deny your love, block it, refuse to love, and you will be devoured by

hatred, blinded by dazzling fury and inebriating fervor.

Love has no enemy: It is the rejection of her which leads to her very opposite. It is the insecurity which lets doubt reign. It is fear which is the biggest instrument of her destruction.

He who once denied love will have a painful and hard journey to find back to himself. Love is the first sublime principle of life. She is unity and yet complete identification of oneself. She is deepest, profound commitment.

She is the free flow of vital energy, completeness, perfection.

She is life.

Love is the strongest entity, the strongest force in the universe. It is more than just a feeling. It is unity, serenity, tranquility of our souls. it is indescribable, inutterable except through an outburst of ultimate pleasure and complete peace. Ardour warms up the blood vessels, streaming lust through the whole body, a perfect moment in time. No, there is no time where love is. There is completeness, infinity, untorn by worldly influences. It is our heart, our very existence itself who can only speak in the language called love. Every denial, every refutation of ourselves necessarily carries the corruption of timelessness. And one thing appears very clearly: Every concept of time is an illusion. With love you can see it as you can see silvery fish sparkling in crystalline water, reflecing sunrays. Love cannot be destroyed, it's impossible. It can only be denied, and this will come very painfully. Love is the principle by which the universe runs. It is above our human forces, and thus it is like a physical law. Love is the ONLY thing that makes sense in this world. It explains everything, it is everything.